Looking back, the main reason I was so upset about not being able to handle the pain was because of my previous delivery. I was in labor with Mason for two days on the pitocin. Granted, the first day I hardly felt a thing, but the second day, after they turned it back on, the contractions became very intense and I was in a lot of pain for 5 hours or longer. The only way I kept going was because I was convinced that soon I would be dilated enough (5 centimeters) to get off the pitocin and labor naturally for the rest of my labor. But when they checked me at the time that they hoped I'd be ready, I wasn't even close. At that point, I decided to get an epidural for two reasons: 1) I couldn't handle the pain any longer with no apparent end in sight, and 2) my midwife warned me that if I didn't relax, nothing would continue, and I would likely end up getting a caesarean. So I had good reason to believe that I could handle the pain of labor, especially because everyone tells me that pitocin contractions are worse than natural contractions.
So it is understandable that, after less than 2 hours of labor, when I began thinking I needed drugs, I started to wonder what had changed in the past 2 years to make me unable to handle the pain of such a short period of time. And I was certain the pain would last several more hours, and that I couldn't handle it for more than another half an hour or so.
I repeat, I feel that natural labor is the healthiest choice, and hoped I would be able to have a natural delivery, but I don't say everyone has to take that path. Every woman has to make decisions about what is best for them and their child.
I hope my previous comment didn't upset you. I just followed your link on fb and was truly speaking of my experience with unmedicated childbirth in general and didn't mean to be critical of your specific experience. I wasn't offended by your post and certainly didn't feel that you were suggesting unmedicated is the only way to go. I totally understand the hormones and the heat of the moment and irrational thinking--I've been there--but feelings of "failure" and weakness (i.e. "I just couldn't hack it") seem to be a common theme among many of my friends who have gone (or tried to go) "natural." I only meant to say that since the choice to bear a child without medication seems to be such an empowering experience for so many women, it is sad to me that so many of my friends have been so devastated or hard on themselves when it looks like it's not going to happen.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I think it's great it worked out for you this time, and I firmly believe we should all respect each other in our birth decisions (you obviously feel the same way, which I appreciate). I hope you didn't feel I was disrespectful or critical--I only meant to make an observation. I probably should have saved it for another forum :).
p.s. I'm not sure if you got it, but in my reply to your comment about insurance, I suggested once your husband has an LLC for his business you should be able to set up your own group plan. Hope that helps!
Lindsay, your comment didn't really upset me, it just made me think, and I felt I should write a little post about it. Especially because I was thinking about it late at night when I should sleep. The best thing for me to do in those situations is just write about it. And thanks for what you said about the insurance, I'll definitely keep looking into different options.
ReplyDeleteI'm amused that you had to write a post defending your own birth story. You prepared for natural childbirth and wanted to see it through. If you'd been preparing for a marathon, or to climb a really big mountain, and you were unsuccessful in your attempt, of course you would be disappointed. Why should childbirth be different? It annoys me when people say they support everyone's birth choices and then add a qualifier like, "but the thing I don't like about natural childbirth people..." or "there's no medal for giving birth without drugs". You rocked it, you felt doubt and overcame it, YOU GO GIRL!
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