Six months at home

So I've been a stay at home mom for a little over six months now, and we have settled into our routine.  Mason is almost 16 months old, and very happy.  He's had a cold the last few days, which has mainly been affecting his (and my) sleep and his appetite.  But our lives have gotten better in many ways.

It has been a bit of a stress financially to have me home, but I have been able to make a little money babysitting, enough to pay for a couple months worth of groceries, and we still have a decent amount of savings.  So things are going well there.

I really have no regrets about quitting my job.  Mason has responded so well to having me home, and I have enjoyed being home with him all the time, and being able to play with him and be there for him.  I love him so much more than I could have ever imagined.

It's been good for me too, in a lot of ways. I didn't realize just how stressed I was until I quit and the stress was alleviated.  I have high standards for how my house should be kept, and I wasn't anywhere near to keeping up with those standards while I was working, but now it's much easier. 

There are some interesting aspects though.  I have absolutely no sense of time anymore, as far as when things happened.  I remember trying to figure out when my niece was born and being totally off.  I never know what the date is without my calendar I rarely know what day of the week is unless it's the weekend, and I've started forgetting plans unless I check the calendar, which never used to be a problem.

There are some downsides to being home all the time.  I am trying to work on the social life aspect of things, I don't have a lot of friends outside of family, and they are all busy.  It makes it tough that I don't have a car the majority of the time, I usually have to drive Mike to work on the days I need to go shopping unless my sister-in-law has time to go with me.  A friend of mine from work asks me to meet her for lunch occasionally, which is nice, but once again, it has to be when I have a car, and it doesn't happen very often.  So I need to make some friends.  There is a lady who lives down the street who is always home with her two little girls, but I don't want to impose on her too much, and it seems like half the time when I do want to go over, Mason is sick, or I'm babysitting.

Overall, life has improved in the last six months, and I am very happy with the change, with no plans to go back to work until all my kids are grown up.

Mike's show

Saturday, Mike had his senior show for his degree.  Well, actually it has been up since Monday, but Saturday was the family day.  Anyway, Mike, Mason, and I drove out to his school Saturday morning, and I spent the time chasing Mason around the gallery and front area, while occasionally meeting one of his teachers and classmates.  Mike's parents and a couple of his siblings showed up near the end, and then we all went out to lunch.

Here are a couple of pictures of the show:

 After lunch, Mike drove by a house he thinks is amazing.  It's very cool looking, but I couldn't imagine the heating bills, not to mention all the work that is needed.

 April rode home with us, and she and Mason took a nice long nap in the back.

So cute!

Let's go back to riding horses

Friday morning I ended up driving my husband to work because a friend of mine wanted to have lunch with me that day, and I needed the car.  I had grabbed some things in preparation for running errands, figuring it would be easiest if I didn't go home before lunch so my little boy would stay awake, and not get bored, since he usually takes a nap around the time I planned to be at dinner.  On the way to his work, I noticed that our car was seriously overdue for an oil change, and figured I'd take the car to Jiffy Lube as part of my errands, since I knew it would be hard to find another time to get the car in.

But I had forgotten one important thing.  It was Veteran's Day.  So Jiffy Lube was PACKED.

They told me it would be a forty minute wait, which I figured would be fine.  I grabbed one of the library books I was planning to return for some reading material, and a couple of cars for Mason to play with, and we went in.  Unfortunately, the car in front of mine, had some issues, and my car didn't get in for an hour.

Then they told me that I had a leak in my transmission.

My last car died because of a leaky transmission, so I wasn't happy to hear this.  They said it could be fixed by dropping the pan, whatever that meant and gave me a quote.  I decided not to do it then for two reasons: first, I figured I could get it done cheaper at our regular car place, and second, I didn't have time, since my lunch was supposed to be about an hour later at that point.  So I had them change the oil and left.  An hour and a half gone.

On my way to the library, I called our regular car place to ask what it would cost for what I needed and was surprised to find out it would cost as much as or maybe even more than Jiffy Lube for what I needed.  Apparently one of the main costs is the transmission fluid.  Plus, I wouldn't be able to get the car in that day, and I wanted to get it repaired quickly, since my husband drives the car almost 2 hours Monday through Thursday.  In fact, I wasn't sure I'd be able to get it done in the next month.  So I decided to take the car back to Jiffy Lube after lunch and Mason's nap.

I went to the library and dropped off the library books, then got Mason back in the car to go to Wal-Mart. I needed lightbulbs to replace the front blinkers.  But the the car freaked out on me.

Back when I was pregnant with Mason about a year and a half ago, our car started acting up (as I wrote about here.)  We never managed to get it fixed, because whenever we took it to the shop, it was working fine, and they couldn't figure out what the issue was.  Mike figured out that the best way to handle it is to disconnect and reconnect the battery while trying to start the car.  It works, but it takes more than one try usually.

Basically what happens is the car is stuck in park.  This happens periodically and seems to be more frequent recently, but it usually happens when Mike is driving; this is the first time it has happened when I was alone.  So I spent 45 minutes messing with the battery before it finally got fixed.  I had to let Mason out of his car seat about 15 minutes into it, because he HATES being in his car seat if we aren't moving.  And the worst part is, that I called a friend to come help me (it's much easier with two people, and she had room in her car for us if we couldn't get it going) and the first time I tried it when she got there it worked.  Stupid car.

I was late picking up my friend for lunch, but thankfully she was working overtime, so it didn't matter how long of a lunch she took.  Then I took Mason home and he took a nice long nap.  When he woke up, I got smart and called Jiffy Lube to see if they were still busy.  The manager remembered me, and told me that yeah, they were busy, but to try back at four.  When I called back, they were mostly caught up, so I headed on over.

They got to my car quickly, but it took over an hour for the repair.  I had them flush the transmission as well, because it needed to be done anyway and only cost an extra 20 bucks.  They gave me a discount too.  But it was another hour and a half.  I spent 3 hours at Jiffy Lube.

I guess I shouldn't really complain, because if I hadn't taken the car for the oil change, and hadn't caught the transmission leak, we may have killed the car, especially since Mike drives it so much.  I just hate car problems, and I don't like having to pay lots of money on my car when we are poor.  Sometimes I think cars are more trouble than they are worth, and wish we could just go back to riding horses.

Halloween

 Halloween pics!  Here are some cute pics of him with his dolls that fit with his costume which was Winnie the Pooh.

Sorry it took me so long to get these up finally.

So Mason went to two different Trunk or Treats, one with our ward, one with Grandma Blake/ Auntie Lizzie's ward.

Here is a random picture of me that Mike took at our ward's activity.

(UPDATE: Mike insists this picture is not random.  It's when we went fishing.  I couldn't get Mason to hold the stick because he was so clingy.)

Mason was Mister Clingy at the parties, not letting anyone hold him but me.  It was bad when Mike tried to take him in the costume parade.  See him screaming? You can see Grandma next to them in this pic.

Here is Auntie Tiffany and her friends in their Harry Potter themed costumes.

He's so cute!

Whatever Happened to Dr. Blythe?

Does anyone else love to read L.M. Montgomery?  My all-time favorite is The Blue Castle, but I also like to read Anne of Green Gables and the sequels.  The other day, I was reading one of the later books, Rainbow Valley, I think, and I was struck by Anne's husband, Dr. Blythe.  If you remember, he was a very highly respected doctor, he had a successful practice, everyone loved him, and he was always going out.  And he didn't work at a hospital or office, he made house calls.

Whatever happened to that?  Whatever happened to doctors being on call all the time and knowing his patients and their families?  Whatever happened to doctors being affordable?  Dr. Blythe made a good living, but he also took care of everyone, and people managed to pay him without taking loans out on their souls.  Of course, Dr. Blythe lived in a small town, but surely there would be enough patients in a small part of town to support family doctors in a similar practice.  And hey, whatever happened to women routinely giving birth at home?

But really, I guess it's almost obvious what happened.  The culture changes, laws changed, and things got to expensive.  So many doctors have hundreds of thousands in student loans by the time they finish school, so they have to charge a lot of money.  Also, malpractice insurance is out the wazoo.  A roommate of mine once talked about how her dad, who was an OB/GYN, had to take out tons of malpractice insurance to protect himself, because people sue the doctor if there is anything wrong with the baby, even if it wasn't the doctors fault.  That probably also explains why doctors work from hospitals, for the sterile environment.  And I'm sure the need for malpractice insurance isn't limited to doctors who deliver babies.  We are much to prone to sue people for things that go wrong.  Sometimes, yes, the doctor was at fault, and should be held accountable.  But sometimes, things happen and no one is to blame, but people want to blame someone. 

Anyway, I guess this is a "good old days" post, wishing for what won't be again.  Either way, I am glad my husband isn't studying to be a doctor.  They may make good money, but it takes years to become a doctor (and I am tired of him being in school), and, whether they are Dr. Blythe or a hospital doctor from our time, they are way to busy for my liking.

The Culture of Unhappiness

I was sitting on my couch nursing my baby and getting him ready for bed, and thinking.  That's a nice thing about nursing, it gives you lots of time to think about things.  And it's funny how your mind wanders sometimes.

Anyway, I was thinking about writing, and writing somehow lead me to the character of Elizabeth Bennet in the LDS version of Pride and Prejudice, and that made me think of the pink bible, or whatever it was called in that movie, the book that was all about dating.  And that made me think about other things, which I decided to write about tonight.

What is it about our culture that pushes people towards unhappiness?  So many people seem to be waiting for happiness to happen to them.  And there is always something keeping them from happiness.  In the LDS culture, it is often (for a woman) a man.  On that note, what is up with the freaky books about how to get a guy?  That pink bible book in the movie was made up, but I have seen real versions, and some of them were scary.  I read one of them back when I was in college.

After a particularly hard rejection by a guy, back when I was 19, a friend of mine gave me a copy of The Rules, to help me learn how to get the guys I'm interested in.  I read it very quickly, and was very disturbed.  Something I remember from it specifically, it basically said that a woman's only way to get the right man, is to be what he wants in a woman.  Which I guess in a way makes sense, but rather than saying you should find a guy who is like you, it basically said that you should change the kind of person you are for the man.  And I was appalled by the idea.

I gave the book back to my friend, saying that wasn't the kind of help I wanted.  She tried to argue with me, but I told her I believed that I should, and could, find a guy who liked me for me, and I couldn't imagine going through life trying to repress who I really was just to keep a guy happy.

But why does something like this sell at all? Basically it's because of the false belief that you have to have a guy to be happy.  I have never believed that was healthy.  I remember a friend telling me when I was in my early twenties, when I was trying to help her get through a hard time, "When I get married, then I'll be happy." Which is just sad.  We need to be happy regardless of the situation we are in.

I hope no one will say anything like, "That's easy for you to say, you are married and have a kid."  Well, that's true, but I didn't get married til I was 28. Heck I never even kissed a guy until I was 28.  And I was a happy person before I got married.  Not to say I was deliriously happy, I had my times of feeling down, and unloved, but I was generally happy and productive. I had friends, I had plans for my future, and I think I could have lived my life well if I never had married.  But being a happy person is what will help my marriage last, and helps me deal with the rough spots.  Although I won't deny that my beautiful baby boy also has a way of making me feel even happier.

And marriage isn't the only thing people look forward to for happiness.  Some people need to get the right job, or make enough money, or move to the right place, but either way it is flawed.  The problem with having the idea that you will be happy when _________ happens, is it's not true.  You may be happy for awhile at first, from the euphoria of finally having achieved what you wanted, but euphoria wears off, and if you aren't happy on your own, you won't be happy when the euphoria wears off.  I think that is why some marriages end in less than a year, because people think marriage will make them happy, and when the honeymoon stage wears off, and the spouse isn't perfect, people decide that they married the wrong person, and that is why they aren't happy.

If we could all learn to be happy where we are, with what we have, and with who we are, our lives would be so much less complicated.

P.S.  I would like to add a caveat, that there is nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself, trying to be a better person.  My issue is the idea that people should change who they essentially are just for a  man.  But trying to become a better wife/person/husband/man/woman for your own edification and to be nicer to others around you etc, is a good thing.

Spooktacular

We went to Spooktacular this weekend. Spooktacular is a thing at a local garden, where actors do little skits based on popular stories (like Disney movies). My mother-in-law and two of my sisters-in-law were in the skits, so were able to get free tickets for family members, so we went. "We" included Mason, Mike, me, April and Jeffrey.

The kids dress up, and since it was a bit chilly, Mason wore a sweater and sweat pants under his costume.

He was Winnie the Pooh!

Our tour started after 8, so it was dark, and Mason was carried by someone most of the time. He found the skits interesting, but he didn't entirely understand what was going on. He laughed a couple of times at things, but actually laughed more in line, because we were being silly with him.

He got a glowstick for the Harry Potterish skit, and thought it was pretty cool.

He walked part of the way, and near the end he fell and faceplanted. His upper lip and chin got all scraped up, and he got a bit of a bloody nose, though not enough to leak. You can see the redness a bit on his face. It was much worse the next day, and is better now.

At the end of the tour we took a hayride back to the main building where we had parked.

We got to see his Grandma and Aunties after the skits. I don't have a picture of Auntie Missa unfortunately, and the one of Grandma was very blurry.

It was fun! I promise I'll get some better pictures of his costume closer to Halloween.