I have been thinking a lot about a reaction I got to my post about having the baby, specifically about a comment I made about feeling like I wasn't up to natural childbirth.  I felt bad about it, I didn't want to make anyone feel like natural childbirth is the "only" way to give birth.  I personally feel it is the best option for me and my children, but everyone needs to make their own decisions.

Looking back, the main reason I was so upset about not being able to handle the pain was because of my previous delivery.  I was in labor with Mason for two days on the pitocin.  Granted, the first day I hardly felt a thing, but the second day, after they turned it back on, the contractions became very intense and I was in a lot of pain for 5 hours or longer.  The only way I kept going was because I was convinced that soon I would be dilated enough (5 centimeters) to get off the pitocin and labor naturally for the rest of my labor.  But when they checked me at the time that they hoped I'd be ready, I wasn't even close.  At that point, I decided to get an epidural for two reasons: 1) I couldn't handle the pain any longer with no apparent end in sight, and 2) my midwife warned me that if I didn't relax, nothing would continue, and I would likely end up getting a caesarean.  So I had good reason to believe that I could handle the pain of labor, especially because everyone tells me that pitocin contractions are worse than natural contractions.

So it is understandable that, after less than 2 hours of labor, when I began thinking I needed drugs, I started to wonder what had changed in the past 2 years to make me unable to handle the pain of such a short period of time.  And I was certain the pain would last several more hours, and that I couldn't  handle it for more than another half an hour or so.

I repeat, I feel that natural labor is the healthiest choice, and hoped I would be able to have a natural delivery, but I don't say everyone has to take that path.  Every woman has to make decisions about what is best for them and their child.

Aiden's birth story

I have been praying from the beginning of this pregnancy to be blessed with a natural child birth.  I was induced with Mason, and it was not pleasant, I came too close to a caesarean for comfort, and I didn't want a repeat of that experience.  As time has gone on, it's become more urgent for me.  My midwives urged me to be induced at 42 weeks, but I made the decision to wait an extra week for induction, wanting to give him as much time as possible.  My mom had me 3 weeks late, and my sister's second was three weeks late, so there was some precedent for it.  I felt the baby just needed a bit more time.  As the time got closer to the date, our prayers became more urgent and intense.

I was grateful to be able to make it to Jeremy's wedding last Friday, which would have been less than certain if Aiden had been born early in the week, but I was uncertain as to what would happen.  Mike had given me a blessing promising a birth free of complications, and I was doing my best to maintain that faith, but doubts kept creeping in, especially with all the false alarms I kept having, when labor seemed to be starting, and then stopped.

Sunday morning, I woke up around 5 and went to the bathroom, and on the way there, I had quite a bit of fluid drip.  I thought perhaps my water had broken, but apparently not, because there was nothing else the rest of the day.  But I had had trouble falling asleep that night, and wasn't able to get back to sleep that morning.  I was having some contractions, and I ended up throwing up, so I made the decision not to go to church.  Mike went and took Mason with him, but came home early after being lectured by my uncle (leaving Mason at church with Auntie April in charge).  My Aunt Liz came over and gave me a foot massage, then we went to my in-laws for dinner, after loading the car up with our hospital bags and Mason's bag.  I was scheduled to check into the hospital at 5 pm for induction.

Before dinner, my father-in-law gave me another blessing, with the help of Mike, Jeff, and Mike's grandpa, who was visiting for the wedding.  We ate dinner, said goodbye to the family and Mason, and went to the hospital.

When we got here, there was a bit of mix-up, they apparently didn't know we were coming, so we had to wait awhile for them to prepare a room.  I spent a lot of time walking around, because it seemed to be having a good effect on my contractions, but around 8, I had to get in bed and stay there for 2 hours after they inserted the Cervidil, which is supposed to help the cervix get ready for labor.  They were planning on removing the Cervidil at 5:30 am, and then start the pitocin at 6.  The nurse brought me an Ambien to help me sleep, and before we went to bed, Mike prayed that things would start on their own before the pitocin was needed.

I woke up at 4 am, needing to pee, and then I couldn't get back to sleep.  I had some contractions (probably all night long) and felt that labor was starting.  By 5 am, I was sure of it, and when the nurse came in, she confirmed that things were starting.  No pitocin needed!  I was thrilled!  We texted Mike's brother around 5:30 to tell him that if Alexis was going to be there, she needed to come soon.  He decided to drop her off before work, which was a good choice.  She was there around 6.

The nurse checked my dilation, I had dilated to a 3, was still 75% effaced, and the baby's head was moving down.  She monitored me for twenty minutes, then took me off the monitors and brought in a birthing ball.  I asked about the Jacuzzi tub, and she said they preferred I wait until I was dilated to a 4 or 5 to use that, as it might relax me too much.  A bit after 6, I was in so much pain, that I asked the nurse again, and she said it was ok, so long as I didn't spend more than half an hour at a time in the tub.

Of course the tub took awhile to fill up sufficiently, so I wasn't able to get in it until about 6:30.  I remember, I was practically whining to Mike, the pain was so bad.  The tub helped a lot, but it was still extremely intense, and I started wondering if I was cut out for natural childbirth.  I felt that if this was going to be going on for hours, I would have to ask for drugs, which made me feel I had failed.  And that maybe I hadn't prepared properly.  I was feeling very down, and very wussy.  And I was afraid I was setting a bad example for Alexis, I had hoped this would have been a good experience for her.

Around 7, which was the time I would have had to get out for a bit, I started feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom, and couldn't stop the urge to try to have a bowel movement in the tub.  It was the strangest feeling. I knew, intellectually, that the urge to push felt like needing a bowel movement, but I couldn't believe that it was time to push.  I got out, and went to the bathroom.  Every time I got back off the toilet, I would get back on when another contraction started.  Mike reminded me that it sounded like I needed to push, and I told him there was no way.  Finally he insisted on calling the nurse, and when she came in, she shocked me by telling me that I was now dilated to a 9 and yes, it was time to push.  All that was left was a bit of a lip over the baby's head.

I have to tell you, this made me feel a WHOLE lot better.  I had been feeling so wimpy, and the whole time, I was going through transition, and my body was booking through the labor process, so of COURSE it was painful, and of course I started thinking I needed pain meds.  I think most people feel a desire for meds during transition.

She called in a doctor and another nurse and they started getting stuff ready.  Someone said that if I wanted my midwife to be there I'd have to hold on, and I asked where she was.  When I was told she was at least half an hour away, not counting rush hour traffic, I said I wasn't waiting.  I couldn't NOT push when the urge came, and I wasn't waiting for that long.  I stood by the bed, pushing with the urge for several minutes, until my legs started to give out, then was on the bed without the stirrups.  It was interesting, I didn't feel the "ring of fire" with Mason, I didn't feel anything at all when pushing him out because of the epidural.  So I was surprised how quickly I could feel the head moving down, how quickly the "ring of fire" started, although it was obviously much more intense when he crowned.  I was actively pushing for about 17 minutes, and he was born at 7:55 am.  My midwife came in 3 minutes later.  She later said the nurses would be reminded about what to do when a patient is in that much pain.

Thermometers are mean!

He was (relatively) clean, there was a bit of meconium on him, and some blood, but they were able to put him up on me right away.  I held him for at least half an hour before deciding to let them weigh him, then got him back with just a diaper and nursed him for a bit.  He weighed 9 pounds, 4 ounces, and was 22 inches long.  I had a second degree tear which was stitched up quickly, and that was it. 

Mike having me taunt the IV machine I never had to use

It's funny, Aiden pushed it as close as he could go.  An hour longer and I would have been on the pitocin.  And then, when he decided to some, he came FAST!  I was so grateful that I was able to do this labor on my own, without the pitocin.  I had started to wonder if there wasn't something wrong with me, that I couldn't labor without the help of pitocin.  I thanked my Heavenly Father last night for letting me have this birth work the way I hoped, and even faster than I had hoped.  I had figured it would go faster than the (two days!) labor with Mason, but didn't think it would be THAT fast.

So here are some pics of the cute baby to sum up my adventure.  Sooo worth it!

My beautiful baby

So I have a baby now and he is absolutely beautiful!

It was a tough thing. I was induced Tuesday morning at 6, and went all day, getting to maybe a three. They broke my water and everything, but not much happened, so they turned off the pitocin and I went to sleep.

Wednesday morning at 5:30 they plugged me back in, and it started working very quickly. By noon I was in a lot of pain. My midwife came in and said she'd check me at 3, and hopefully by then I'd be a five and they could take me off the pitocin and let me labor normally.

Well, that didn't work. I was still a four, and by then I was exhausted and in so much pain, I couldn't stand it anymore. I just wanted it to end.

My midwife highly recommended an epidural, because she felt that I would have to have a c-section if things didn't improve. I didn't really want to, but Mike gave me a blessing and we decided it was the right thing to do. So around 330, They got me started on the epidural.

Then things started getting scary. A couple of hours later, I was just a five, and my midwife was getting concerned because Mason's heart rate was dropping after the good contractions, which could mean he was having problems. So she called the doctor who does c-sections, and told us we might have to have one for the baby's safety.

I was devastated. I started crying, I couldn't hold it back. Mike was having a tough time too, but he gave me another blessing, in which he promised everything would be ok. So I held on to that and prayed like crazy.

The next time they checked me, I was a six, so they said we might be able to manage it. And when the doctor came and checked me, he said I was an eight (although my midwife did not agree with that) and to keep going, just watching things. The next check, which I'm not sure when it was, I lost track of the time, she said I was ready! Everyone was so relieved!

I had to use the stirrups, because I had absolutely no control over my legs. It was pretty funny, actually, because my midwife had trouble with the stirrups. So I started pushing with my contractions, and they ended up using a vacuum to get him out faster, because they were worried about the baby's heart rate, and I pushed through about six contractions, then he was out!

He was a mess! The fluid at that point had a lot of meconium (aka baby poop) in it, so they had to take him and clean him up, but he is absolutely gorgeous! He latched on right away when I breastfed, and he is so sweet. He likes to cuddle, he cried when they brought us breakfast, but he wasn't hungry, he cuddled with me for a minute and then went to sleep.

I am so grateful that I got induced, and that it worked out so well. I started to think I'd made a mistake getting induced, but all the meconium in his fluid, which could have caused problems if he had inhaled it, and the fact that his placenta was aging verifies to me that he needed to be born. We are blessed that things went so well.

Mason Gordon, born 9:58 pm on July 28th, 2010. 8 pounds 6 ounces, 20 inches.