A few thoughts on childbirth

Now, by no means do I claim to be an expert. I have yet to have my first child. But I have some thoughts about the process of childbirth.

I have always felt that having a baby is a part of life, and something that most people can do without too much help. But I grew up hearing horror stories from my mom and her friends about their labor and about how the doctors treated them. I always hoped that by the time I was having kids, the doctors would lay off some.

When I found out I was pregnant, my sister sent me some books on natural childbirth, talking about things like the differences between midwives, ob-gyns, and family practitioners, and about different interventions doctors practice. I read one of them, and took notes about some of the things I didn't want to have happen, and went to my first appointment with my doctor, who had been recommended to me by a couple different girls, one from work, one from church. I hoped for a good interview, and that they'd be flexible.

Unfortunately, it was no good. My doctor was not in the least flexible. She was not supportive of the idea of not using drugs ("90% of women get an epidural, and those who wait until later have a harder time of it"), she was not supportive about the idea of birth plans ("they never work, the ones who come in with birth plans are more likely to have problems") and she was insistent that I had to have an IV, which I do NOT want.

Now she may have felt she was being reasonable, but she wasn't. The note about the epidural's being worse for those who wait until later was true, but I know why from some of the reading I've done. Basically, an epidural slows things down, and people who wait are farther along when they finally get one, which messes things up. As for the "birth plans never work," to me that seems a self fulfilling prophecy. If the doctor doesn't like birth plans, she makes that clear to the patient, which makes her more nervous, and the doctor will be more likely to be looking for problems to prove her point. As for the IV, I know they couldn't force me to have one, since they have to have patient consent, but I don't think I will be in any condition to argue with the doctor while I am in labor.

So I decided to look into different options. I was talking to one of my coworkers about the problem, and he told me his mother is a doula. He gave her my number, and she called me and gave me a list of different midwives and practitioners in the area who are more inclined towards natural childbirth. I met with one of the midwives on Wednesday, and it was night and day. I didn't even have to ask about the things I had concerns about, as they listed off their policies, they covered every single item that had bothered me about the doctor. I felt so much better after I left. I didn't realize before how much my doctor's visit had brought me down.

Anyway, I would recommend midwives to anyone who is expecting. Midwives are available in hospitals, birthing centers, and for home birth, and they are a valid option, and more likely to go with your wishes. Don't feel like an ob-gyn is your only option.

The love of a mother?

The other morning, my husband made some comment about the special bond between mother and baby while I was puking in the bathroom. It made me laugh, because I do not love throwing up. I thought about it for awhile, and realized that if anything, the vomiting was teaching me how little control I have over anything in my life, which is important, since I will not be able to control my child. I think it's important to realize that, because I've been on my own for so long and used to doing things my own way.

Later I was thinking about it more, and I think in a way, he may have been right about the mother's bond thing. One thing we learn is that sacrificing for others is the best way to both show love, and to increase love for others. So, I almost wonder if part of why pregnancy is so miserable physically is to help create that bond early on, and to get mothers used to sacrificing for their children.

Random thought of the month.

Pregnancy

Yes folks, I am pregnant. I don't know for sure how far along I am, my sister say, according to a calendar her midwife gave her, that I am due sometime in July, but we'll see. My first appointment is tomorrow with a nurse.

So far, I have had nausea just about everyday all day, though no actual toilet worshiping yet. But today was a new twist- heartburn. I have never had it before, but I understand now why they have all those heartburn commercials. I should go get some Tums. But I think the nausea is harder to deal with, it makes me not want to do anything at all.

Oh, and none of my jeans fit me anymore, although my work slacks all still fit just fine. My jeans fit me tighter to begin with anyway. And I couldn't eat as much for Thanksgiving without feeling sick, but in a different way than when you normally feel like you ate to much. It was weird.

Mike and I went to Wal-Mart on Saturday and bought me goodies to keep in my desk at work so I wouldn't be tempted by my neighbors chocolate when I needed to eat something. We got dried apricots, cheez-its, goldfish, animal crackers, craisins, unsalted peanuts, and we had saltines at home. They have helped stave off the worst of the nausea.

I am excited though, despite all the misery. I am going to have a baby!

Zero Thought

I have been reading Randy Cassingham for several years now, he sends out a "true news" email once a week, and I've been getting really upset reading about the Zero Tolerance trend in both schools and everyday life. Well, something happened recently to make me really annoyed.

One of my co-workers has a son in sixth grade, who he describes as "the biggest nerd in school." Apparently he and some of his friends were playing war at recess, using their pens as guns. The class bully complained to the teacher that he felt threatened, the boys were sent to the principal's office, and my co-worker was called to come talk to the principal.

When he got there, the principal spoke to him separate from his son, explaining what had happened, and the school's policy in these matters. He was going to be suspended for two days. The principal was shocked at their behavior and wondered aloud why they wanted to play war to begin with. As we were all being told this story at work, we all said, "Because they are boys!?"

My co-worker is a former Marine, and was not very impressed with the principal's attitude. He went with her to see his son, who was visibly frightened, afraid that his father was going to come down on him, but he simply told him, "well, looks like you get a couple of days to play your Xbox." The principal was furious and asked him if he didn't understand the seriousness of the offense. He just responded, "It's your policy, not mine," and went on to say that the kid had been bullying his son for months, and nothing had come of it, but a bunch of boys playing war together rates a suspension? So he just took his son home and treated it like a very long weekend since he was suspended Friday and Monday.

Now, to top it all off, the day before his son was able to go back to school, they got an official letter from the school about the suspension. In the letter, they stated that the boys were playing in a "non-threatening manner."

Excuse me? Non-threatening? I thought they suspended him because someone felt threatened!

I couldn't help but think about the Blackrock Clan, or the BRC as the boys in my church called it when I was a teenager. They used to go off into the mountains to a campsite they had which they called Vietnam, or 'Nam or something, I don't remember for sure, and play war games. Noone ever got seriously injured as far as I know, I'm sure there were scratches and bruises, but it was just recreation for them, and none of them grew up to be terrorists. One of them ended up giving his life for our country in Iraq. I wonder, if that were to happen today, if those boys would be considered delinquents of some kind, and get into trouble?

Some of my other co-workers started sharing stories of stupid things from their schools. One of them mentioned that children aren't allowed to play tag at her child's school, because they might trip and hurt themselves. But dodgeball is perfectly fine, and I can remember some nasty dodgeball games.

Well, that's my rant for the month. Tata for now!

A year in the life. . .

As of today, I have been working at my "new" job for a year. This is a milestone in many ways. I have been in Missouri a year, I have been working my first real job for a year, and I can say that I did not live with Liz and Bruce for forever! Yay!

And crazy things have happened in the last year. When I started this job, I was nervous in so many ways. I didn't know how I'd do working a real full-time job, I didn't have any friends at the time, I was afraid I would get complacent and live with relatives for a really long time (Just until I pay my car off. . . my student loans. . . finish saving for retirement. . . etc. I get too comfortable sometimes.) But things just kinda came together. Who woulda thunk a year ago that I'd meet a guy and get married after six months together? Who'da thunk I'd fit so well at my job? Who'da thunk I'd be a Sunbeam teacher (yes, that's our new calling as the ward's newlyweds), much less a RS president and first counselor in the span of less than a year? And who'da thunk I'd be so happy in Missouri, or misery as people keep telling me it should be called. I can honestly say, that despite the trials, and stress of the last few months, I am content.

I love you Mike!

Wedding Plans

Mike made our invitation, I love it!


Anywho, wedding plans are going very well. My dress should be done tomorrow, we are ordering the cake tomorrow, my hall closet is full of decorations and gifts, Mike bought a new suit last week, we have the temple and church building reserved, my bouquet is finished, and I have spent lots of money. I've actually saved a lot, because Mike found out Hobby Lobby was having a half of sale on flowers and wedding stuff that I needed to buy anyway. Also, we happened to go shopping on days when other stores were having sales that saved us a ton of money.

We found an apartment, and I have already moved in. Mike will start moving his stuff in soon. We have almost all the furniture we need, we just need some appliances, including a dryer, and we need to fix the washer. And I got released from from my calling as RS president last week. We have only a few weeks left, and things are going to slow down some, since almost everything is done. I'm somewhat relieved that I won't be so stressed, but at the same time, I should maybe have spread things out better. I stayed home today because I wasn't feeling well, mostly exhaustion I think. But like I said, it is getting better.

Engagement

So I am getting married! August 7th, in the St. Louis temple! It's all kind of crazy and a bit unexpected. I should put the story here, with some pictures of the ring, since people have asked for it.

It's funny, because back in January, I went to the wedding of a young girl in my branch, and got depressed by it. Something about it really got to me, and I had to get a blessing of comfort from my branch president. The blessing worked wonders though, and I went on with my life as normal.

I moved into my grandparents house in mid-January to house-sit for them, as they had just bought a home in Independence and fixed it up. They weren't planning on moving there until May, and wanted someone in it, keeping an eye on things. So I moved in, and in February, a friend of mine, Tara Miller, moved in with me. Early that month, near Ground-hog day, I went to a family home evening activity with the branch where we played games in groups. I ended up in a group with Michael Blake. I had known him ever since I had moved out to Missouri, he had three siblings in the branch, and his family was one of those families everyone knows and looks up to. I had never really thought about Mike as anything other than a nice guy, partly because he had been dating someone when I first moved there.

We had a really fun time that night, we talked a lot and joked. I left, thinking how nice he was. He started chatting with me a bit on Facebook after that, and then I decided to have a party for Valentine's day. I called it Anti-Valentines, and invited the single people in the branch. I had tried once before to have a party, but it had flopped, noone came, so I hoped this would go better. Mike got their first with his brother Jeff, and I showed them around while we waited for everyone else to show. He enjoyed my books and my computer.

A handful of people showed up, and we had a really fun night. By the time it was over, Mike and I were talking about everything. When he left, my roommate asked me, and I quote, "Is he macking on you?"

Anyway, we spent the next week chatting on Facebook everyday, and then, on Thursday, he tagged me in this.

I was surprised! I hadn't been asked out in a long time! In fact, it took the message he sent me at the same time to convince me that he really meant to ask me out. I was also pretty sick at the time, but determined to go anyway. So I told him I'd go.

The date was lots of fun, we went to eat and to a movie, and when he dropped me off, he sad he'd like to go out with me again. I said for sure!

Over the next week, he began texting me, as well as chatting with me online. I had to upgrade my text plan twice by the time we became serious. As he kept texting me and talking to me, I got the feeling that he was planning on asking me out for the next weekend, but I had promised my aunt and uncle I'd watch their kids. So, I decided, with some prodding from Uncle Bruce, to ask him to come help me with the kids. I was realy nervous, who asks a guy out to babysit! But it went really well. In fact, he said it was the best date he had ever been on, and still is, last I checked.
After that, things really took off. The next week we spent almost everyday together, and continued to do so for the next couple of months. He started talking about marriage pretty quickly, although he made silly jokes for the most part at first. He kissed me for the first time on my birthday, May 7th.

About the middle of May, Mike went out of town for a school trip. He left me a bag of goodies for while he was gone with a different trip. The day before I went out of town, I found this in my box of Goldfish.




I was at work, so I called Liz and had her check the other boxes. This is what the collection held.
The deck of cards explained it was a riddle I needed to solve. It took me about five seconds once I reallized what everything was: "Wheel u Mary Me?"

I went out of town the next morning, and while I was gone, Lizzie delivered my answer, two eyes and Captain Crunch (Aye, Aye Captain!) When I got back, Mike picked me up at the airport with this:







He asked me officially, down on both knees actually. So we were engaged. I love my ring! And I love my Mike!